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Difficult Mothers: Understanding and Overcoming Their Power #2020

Difficult Mothers Understanding and Overcoming Their Power Mother love is often seen as sacred but for many children the relationship is a painful struggle Using the newest research on human attachment and brain development Terri Apter an internationally a

  • Title: Difficult Mothers: Understanding and Overcoming Their Power
  • Author: Terri Apter
  • ISBN: 9780393081022
  • Page: 226
  • Format: Hardcover
  • Difficult Mothers: Understanding and Overcoming Their Power By Terri Apter, Mother love is often seen as sacred, but for many children the relationship is a painful struggle Using the newest research on human attachment and brain development, Terri Apter, an internationally acclaimed psychologist and writer, unlocks the mysteries of this complicated bond She showcases the five different types of difficult mother the angry mother, the controllingMother love is often seen as sacred, but for many children the relationship is a painful struggle Using the newest research on human attachment and brain development, Terri Apter, an internationally acclaimed psychologist and writer, unlocks the mysteries of this complicated bond She showcases the five different types of difficult mother the angry mother, the controlling mother, the narcissistic mother, the envious mother, and the emotionally neglectful mother and explains the patterns of behavior seen in each type Apter also explores the dilemma at the heart of a difficult relationship why a mother has such a powerful impact on us and why we continue to care about her responses long after we have outgrown our dependence She then shows how we can conduct an emotional audit on ourselves to overcome the power of the complex feelings a difficult mother inflicts In the end this book celebrates the great resilience of sons and daughters of difficult mothers as well as acknowledging their special challenges.

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      Terri Apter

    1 thought on “Difficult Mothers: Understanding and Overcoming Their Power

    1. If there s one thing I appreciate, it s someone putting my experiences into perspective and letting me know that I am not alone in my perceptions This book addresses the types of mothers who are not all loving, giving, affectionate, soothing, compassionate and perfect The author does a fine job of describing the behavior of the angry, controlling, narcissistic, envious, and emotionally unavailable i.e difficult mother and the impact she can have on a child s life from the very beginning She also [...]

    2. This was a well written book with a great deal of good information about difficult mothers However, the subtitle is somewhat misleading If you are looking to understand difficult mothers, this is a great choice If, on the other hand, you are looking to overcome the power of a difficult mother you will find very little of substance here I suspect the author believes she has accomplished both goals, but that is based on her claims that once you have full understanding of a difficult mother and you [...]

    3. Interesting but did not offer any profound insight into forming a better relationship with a difficult mother.

    4. Frighteningly accurate and also very helpful in shedding light onto the strange dynamics a mother child relationship can take on.

    5. Every chapter in this book won t apply to everyone It should be apparent within a couple of pages of the Difficult mother types chapters if that one applies to your mother or someone you know First, the book explains what difficult mothers are a mother that YOU experience as difficult A sibling who grew up in the same home often may not feel the same way about the parent that you do.The book is careful to mention that this difficult label can be used to describe either parent or a caregiver, who [...]

    6. When you are a victim of emotional abuse by a parent, you find it hard to understand how and why, and are you, as they love to say, living in a fantasy world for actually mentioning it This book, for me, opened my eyes to the fact that yes, it was abuse and no, I wasn t alone and I could get past it Allowed me to see I don t have to feel like I m going mad and some parents ARE like that.

    7. I read this book to see if it could be useful for some of my patients The book is very easy to read with no jargon and psychological concepts are clearly explained in layperson language The book starts with an introductory chapter on some of the different presentations of difficult mothers This is followed by a chapter summarising in basic terms the science related to mothering, e.g infant development, the fight or flight response, mentalization and mirroring, before a chapter dedicated to each [...]

    8. Insightful and encouraging book It was very informative and had a lot of examples, but a little thin on the how to overcome the difficult mother I understand that the author was laying out that if you have the knowledge to understand a difficult mother, then you basically can overcome the difficult mother Some quotes I liked They came at the very end of the book our mother s approval is not worth what we have to give up in exchange Ultimately, the challenge is not to resolve matters between you [...]

    9. I didn t pick this book because I felt I had a particularly difficult mother, but because I imagine that I would be a difficult mother myself NO WIRE HANGERS seems pretty reasonable to me Anyway, this book is an insightful look into the mysterious workings of the baby brain, and is great for anyone who is curious about the developmental roots of their own unique personalities Whether we had a good childhood with great parents or otherwise, this book offers a peek at how those formative first yea [...]

    10. I kind of skimmed this book in order to get it off the shelf before my mother visited, so maybe I missed this part, but I don t understand why the focus is restricted to the maternal relationship Why doesn t Apter address the role of non mother primary caregivers in a child s life The descriptions of the different types of difficult relationships people have with their mothers seem overly narrow and rigid although perhaps I only think this because my own relationship challenges aren t described [...]

    11. This is a great book on a very difficult topic Apter distinguishes very clearly between good enough mothers who are not perfect but no mother is on the one hand, and mother child relationships that cross over into the difficult catagory and why they do Her definition is the best I ve ever heard A difficult mother is someone who presents her child with the dilemma Either develop complex and constricting coping mechanisms to maintain a relationship with me on my own terms, or suffer ridicule, disa [...]

    12. I don t feel like the categories were fully developed I have a mother who was neglectful because of her narcissism Few of the behaviors described were exhibited, she was just waiting till I was old enough to be kicked out so she could marry a rich man and relive her youth This book was not helpful at understanding her, teaching how to move past the damaging effects or how to facilitate change in our relationship.

    13. Finally someone who understands my mother Someone put into writing my life I am grateful to have been adopted as a baby by two people who could take good care of me, but at the same time my mother was distant and scrutinizing my every move and word This book helped me understand her better, but it has been difficult to implement her strategies because my mother catches on I have definitely been able to put my foot down however as a result of the knowledge and wisdom the author provides.

    14. While I certainly did not have a difficult mother, we all have loved ones and acquaintances that have This book focuses on parental issues but is not necessarily limited to only that Extremely eye opening and insightful as to how and why life issues are dealt with by all people, whether they be mothers, fathers, grandparents, bosses, co workers, children, or even yourself Great read and relevant for anyone that doesn t live in complete isolation.

    15. This was a very interesting and pertinent read I especially liked the way the author translated neuroscience for the masses, to explain attachment theory and the effect parenting has on a child The distinctions between the difficult mother and the good enough mother were a good addition to the book and injected a measure of realism into the subject I found the worksheets useful and will be placing this book into my self workbook category to fully utilise the tools provided.

    16. Um livro interessante sobre este tema Acho que uma cita o ajuda mais do que a minha opini o But you can gain the courage and power to say I find your coldness, condemnation, manipulation ir mockery unpleasant, but these will not change who I am nor they will deatroy me.

    17. Great bookThis is an extraordinary book Clearly written, insightful and without gobbledegook Refreshing distinguishment between difficult and good enough mothers Great description especially of mother infant interactions.

    18. An uneasy but enlightening read I now understand the chemistry and complex relationship between my mother and grandmother much better Only time will tell whether this newfound knowledge is of any help I future dealings with my extremely difficult grandmother.

    19. Excellent book I spent years trying to figure out why my relationship with my mother was such a mess This book spells it out in detail Now I get it If you think you need this book, you probably do If your mom is was awesome or even acceptable, don t bother.

    20. This is very good book particularly if you suspect that the relationship with your mother is flawed For me the book did not tell me anything that I have worked out myself but it would have been comforting to have had this book earlier in my life I do recommend this book.

    21. This book was a self serving adventure for me I love pop psychology, and also I have a difficult relationship with my mom It was a decent book Shared some research and I will return to it when I need reminders of my current state of mind concerning this relationship.

    22. Brilliant definition of depression, is mourning for a loss of one s self is closer to the death of a feeling.

    23. If you want to understand yourself, you need to understand our relationship with your mother Very helpful, especially if you are familiar with attachment theory and intersubjective theory.

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